SHADOW LAND

Would you admit it if you were in a dead end relationship? Would you admit it if you were being treated with less care than you deserved? Have you ever lent a sympathetic ear to a friend whose boyfriend/girlfriend unbeknownst to her or him was a lost cause? If you were in that same situation, could you admit your significant other was a loser? Has anyone ever betrayed your trust? Have you given all you had to give to someone when all they could do is take? Has anyone ever drained you mentally, physically and worst yet emotionally?

When we put all of our time and energy into a needy person, there is very little left for ourselves. Women especially make the mistake of believing that they can change their boyfriends/husbands by loving them enough. When is enough enough? In order to be in a relationship, we don't have to lose sight of our dreams and our goals. We don't have to lose ourselves in someone else. We don't have to sacrifice our identity, our dignity, our self-worth, or our beliefs. We don't have to become a shadow of our former selves following around someone that would rather not have us there in the first place. We don't have to be emotional crutches. We don't have to be a doormat. We don't have to be a human punching bag.

How long will we stay in unhealthy relationships? How long will we endure the emotional roller coaster ride? How many times will we get back into the ring just to be knocked out again? Something has to give. We can't win this emotional tug of war. We deserve better.

We can't make somebody into something he or she clearly isn't. We haven't discovered that magic trick because it doesn't exist. Women are emotional by nature, that is not to say that men don't cry because they do from time to time. However, women have been known to cry a river of tears. Women have been known to get upset for no particular reason. It is just a part of our genetic makeup. We look for restoration after our emotional reservoirs have been run dry. We look for an oasis to quench our thirst because we have found ourselves in the middle of a desolate and doomed desert. We get worn down physically because our hearts and minds are so consumed by a person who will never be able to tap into their emotional reservoirs at least not without outside help by a professional. We long for something from them that they are unable to give us. They have been wounded by circumstances beyond their control. Every time we try to get close to them they build walls around themselves and in some cases a moat that is insurmountable. Every time we try to trespass we hit a brick wall. It is a vicious cycle. It is a pathetic patttern. It is a warning sign.

Red flags go up everywhere instead of the white flag we desperately want this person to wave. They are incapable of waving the white flag because their hands are tied. They are locked down in chains unaware that a key exists. They have become comfortable with the pain because along the way they have found unhealthy ways of numbing it.

If we are not careful, those of us who are actually not afraid to feel something will be dragged down with them. We will let a floodgate of emotions overwhelm us to the point that it would be hard to stand on our own two feet. If we are not careful, we too could need emotional crutches. We could realize that we have not been immune to the distance, the ambivalence, and the indifference. These feelings are infectious. If we choose, to stay in these type of relationships, we will become infected by negativity and drown in a swamp of hopelessness. Get out before it's too late. Don't become another statistic. Those who allow shadows to be cast on them, unable to see rays of light, become nomads wearily wondering and wandering in their own self-inflicted shadow land.

Here is a great song by Ryan Adams that conveys beautifully the mind set of these people who have allowed their spirits to be broken and who have allowed their emotional reservoirs to be run dry. Hopefully, you can't relate to it. The song is called "The Shadowlands".

God please, bring the rain
Yeah, and bring it soon
Let it flood right through the houses
Into Judy's room

With a father on amphetamines
Her mother hides the pearls
Reach out into the darkness
And find my little girl

'Cause she's angry like a salesman
That couldn't make a sale
Threw her wedding ring in the sewer
And damned them all to hell

Please led her to the mountain
That you fashioned out of sand
While the roaches climb the walls
From the hotel where he calls

Most people never find a love
Most people never find a love
Sometimes you just can be a man
Sometimes you just can be a man
When you are living in the darkness
Of the shadow lands
The shadow lands
The shadow lands